creature, other

By Nayyira ElGohary

The shoes would be so beautiful, if only I were a woman. 

This is what I tell F, as we linger 

in every shoe and bag shop. I enter 

to get sandals for this heat, I think 

about how I can match bags and shoes, if I 

were not 

half woman 

half creature that is other. 

I am a woman sometimes. 

What I actually tell F is how I’d love to have all these shoes be my own 

(if I were wholly a woman) 

but I'm a child and I need my child needs met first. 

In the bookshop I hunt

for the books with the sheep’s wool inside of them 

with the rough sand with the jelly water

with the palpable mother’s love

I see this book, that is for far too much, about local flora.

I see if I can sniff any of the flowers on the spine.

I’m a determined wolf. I'm a tired child. I’m a creature that cares in spite. 

Beneath all my otherness,                                  I do have a woman’s body. 

Mostly me but not always.                                             It’s a secret 

I like to flaunt.                                                  Look at me! I have multitudes. 

This woman, her body is the only body 

I can draw from memory. And so                                     I like it. 

What I actually tell F is that I'm a child only most of the time

(as to not raise any concerns)

and really, children should not be in mega malls like these. 

So                                                                        I'm going home to my cat. 

I mean to say: What can I say that hasn’t already been said? 

I’m a woman, or a creature that loves, I care 

with bittersweet labour, I have a complicated relationship 

with my mother, and                                                     I love you.

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Nayyira ElGohary is an Egyptian writer, artist, and student at The London School of Economics. She's been performing her spoken poetry in Cairo since 2017 and producing her podcast, Growing Pains, since 2020. Right now, she's mainly discussing topics around womanhood and growing up, family, and nature. She's on Twitter @nayyiraelgohary.