Resolving Self-conflict
I stroll around this realm of novelty and inhale the freshness of my surroundings. My eyes wander to the unfamiliar places that mark this vastness. Fruitless chants of the past are still audible, tempting me by orchestrating a melody for my return. Caught in an intertwinement of the past, present, and future, my decision of cutting ties with toxic memories of the past led me into this new realm of self-exploration. These abundances of memories have shaped the misinterpreted notion I established of life, and cost of living.
My world consists of oscillations between the past, present, and future. I occasionally find myself indulging in enjoyable recollections of past events; memories of pure innocence stem from early childhood. I still reminisce the summers spent writing scripts and acting them out, spent collecting money and purchasing plastic pistols for play fight, spent swinging in strangers’ playgrounds. When recalled, these bittersweet memories fill my day with warmth, colour, laughter, and heartache. What makes them significant is the feeling of fullness that accompanies it. The sheer loveliness of family, childhood, and conversations about past times welcomes me with a firm embrace.
Now moving on to the next phase, where the act of being present has consumed me. The state of being drenched in responsibilities has stripped away traits that once defined me. I now look forward to moments of solitude. Reflecting with oneself could be a step towards resolving self-conflict; however set in a fast-paced, merciless society concepts of isolation and abandonment are enforced upon me. In the process of trying to steady my gait in a life that shook with uncertainty, I learned to make peace with the present by rebuilding bridges to moments that define me. However, as a person who grew up in a landscape of improvised dreams, this process felt temporary to me. A bridge of thin hair I’m trying to cross.
Eventually, I’ve come to realise that resolving self-conflict can only be through offering a truce: a compromise between the past, present, and future. I now initiate the act of accepting and embracing various aspects of myself. In this way, my troubled heart will finally be at peace. I am a natural seed of a colourful past, an individual whose actions are driven by the present.
Lastly, the future, a long-awaited friend…
Shayma is a 15-year-old high school student based in the United Arab Emirates. She finds the concepts of the universe and writing very fascinating as she aspires to major in astrophysics with a creative writing minor. She is also passionate about human rights and activism, and hopes to be involved in humanitarian work in the future. Shayma is also a staff writer at Unootha.